he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
