I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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