Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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