So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
