I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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