I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
