My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
