God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
