my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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