He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
