i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
