i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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