if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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