I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
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