Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
