Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize