it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
