I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
This toilet bowl is my home.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
