You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
