As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
