This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
