Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
