i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
