operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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