when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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