pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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