god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
The maid of honor just puked.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
