How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
