someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
