Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
