He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
