I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
