Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
