Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
