Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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