thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
