I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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