Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
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He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
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My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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