so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
