so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
