just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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