11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
