It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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