She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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