i want to swaddle you in tequila
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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