I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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