walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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