so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
