super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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