My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
