just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
