i think my tv is drunk
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
