Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
