I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
