I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
