i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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