I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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