I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
