Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
