i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
