whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
