What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize