walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
