My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
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I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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