It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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