My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
