I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
