I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
